Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

things I'm afraid to tell you

I’m a little late to jump in on this, but I couldn’t let the opportunity to participate pass by. I’ve been so inspired by the Things I’m Afraid to Tell You posts by my favorite bloggers. What I love the most is seeing the common threads between us all. This is really a good thing we’ve got going here. So here it goes…

I have no idea what kind of career I want. First, I have so many interests, I don’t know where to start. Writing, food, interiors, marketing, design direction, digital media, magazines, art, dance, baking, events, weddings, style, licensing, color, connecting others. I could go on and on. I watch my friends and fellow bloggers quit their day jobs, start businesses they’ve dreamed of for years, go to grad school, or create and build awesome things all of their own. I’m so proud of them. And I hope that one day I’ll come up with a brilliant idea of my own too and forge my own revolutionary career path. But that lightbulb hasn’t gone off for me yet, and I’m a bit afraid it never will.

My apartment is a mess a majority of the time. I hate doing dishes and I let them pile up. My KitchenAid mixer bowl never gets washed the same day I bake. Sometimes I leave food in my fridge even after it’s gone bad. The arm of my couch has a pile of clothes that should be hanging in my closet. It’s only me in 500 square feet, but somehow I still don’t have the time to keep it all tidy.

I don’t feel like I’m doing enough and yet I’m still exhausted. Maybe it’s because my body needs a lot of sleep, but I’m just so overwhelmed and overstimulated, and my to-do list won’t stop growing. I’m in awe of the people I know who work really long days and still have time for working out, relationships, blogging, events, washing your hair, all while being perky and ready to do it again the next morning. How do you find a balance with taking care of yourself and doing more for yourself? I don’t know if it’s possible to conquer everything or escape it…but I think it’s important to try and do a little both at some point.

I don’t like pets. I know, I know. It sounds like a horrible thing to say. I will always pet your cute pooch, I just don’t want one of my own.

Sometimes I cheat in the kitchen. I use pre-chopped garlic and frozen pie crusts.

I ate three big bowls of pasta last night. I can overindulge when I’m stressed or tired. But also, I put panchetta in the pasta, so maybe I ate more because it was just so good.

There are so many bloggers participating in this series, but some of my favorites were from Dear Heart, Sequins & Stripes, Coco + Kelly, So Much to Smile About, Note to Self, One Bite at a Time – and of course Jess, Ez, and Mimi + Meg who helped to kick this whole thing off.

15 thoughts on “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

  1. Alejandra Ramos

    I love this post. Totally inspired me to do my own. When I was single & in DC my apt looked like yours most days…I would only ever clean if I had a guy coming over or was planning a party. Down to the mixer bowl! Now my husband does the dishes after I cook or we pay someone else to handle the rest. Cleaning is just not my strength and I accept that. I’ve got other skills!

  2. Supal {chevrons and éclairs}

    I love how we all are the same! I have so many interests and I would love to change my career into something more creative at times, but I still love my job. It’s a love-hate relationship, but I think the stars will one days tell me what I should do and guide me in the right direction. I think you and I need to come up with a scratch and sniff instagram app for our revolutionary break haha. Not sure how we’ll do it, but we’ll make it happen :)

    Yours helped me think of a few more things I wanted to write about!

    Finally, it’s okay to overindulge. I do it too…

  3. Liz {Sequins and Stripes}

    So inspiring, Nikki! I can COMPLETELY relate with the “I ate three huge bowls of pasta last night,” honestly the story of my life. This series was amazing, I have loved reading each + every post!

  4. Susan

    Nikki, I really appreciate you sharing this. All of these have really made me realize that many of us are not that different. I think we’re all so multi-faceted and we believe that we are all meant for more than one thing. And I firmly believe that you’ll find what yours is! (and I can relate with that whole Kitchen Aide mixer thing!)

  5. FrenchtwistDC

    I hear you, I have no idea what I really want to do and I totally envy those with a clear focus/vision. But I’m a sucker for a cute puppy and I *love* cats ;-)

  6. Julip Made

    Ohhh lady… I feel like we are more and more alike/ connected after reading this and pretty much feel that every word of this could have been written by me (minus the furchild one). We definitely need to go on a LONG lunch or drinks date soon and discuss 1 and 3 because these are things that are ALWAYS at the forefront of my mind. When will my light bulb go on and how the heck am I supposed to make it happen when I already feel like I am swamped…

    Love you even more for sharing this!


  7. Emily

    There are people who have time to wash their hair? Curious…

    Seriously, though, I read a few of these posts and yours is by far my favorite. Maybe it’s because I know you in real life, and maybe it’s because many of my confessions would read exactly the same way. I change my mind every day about what I want to do (I think my mom is really tired of the “I’ve got it! This is the actual plan!” phone calls) and I super duper envy all the people who have it all together what seems like all the time. I think it’s the blessing and the curse of being as interesting and excited about life as you are :)

    And next time you need to eat 3 bowls of delicious pasta, let me know — I can be there in 10.

  8. Sheri Ann {Sprinkles and Style}

    I can relate to so many of the things you mentioned in your post! I have no idea what career path I want to take and I don’t like pets either. I cheat in the kitchen sometimes too; you just need those times when you don’t make everything from scratch.

    I’m so glad that you posted this and admire your bravery in doing so. It takes a lot of admit things like this but I am so glad and thankful that you did! You really inspired me and made me want to write my own list.

  9. christin

    I am so guilty of being so messy. I just can’t make myself clean sometimes, especially when I just want to lay in bed and sleep. I think it’s totally normal!

  10. Laura @ Beauty & the Beard

    LOVE the honesty. I did one of these posts today too. I love your secret about cheating in the kitchen. I do the same thing too, and always feel the need to justify it when I blog about a recipe!!

  11. Whitney

    It’s funny. Just today I almost started crying because I graduated college a year and a half ago and am working in retail…I hate it but I can’t seem to find the thing I really want to commit to. I have been wracking my brain for months now looking for jobs, career paths, and/or opportunities that will finally make me happy. Like you, I have so many interests: eating healthy, crafts, baking, fashion styling, etc. I’ve always been driven and I have so many dreams for myself but, I’m still here wishing I was doing something fabulous instead of actually doing something fabulous. Best of luck to you. Here’s to finally figuring out what to do with the rest of our lives.

  12. Ashley

    The mixing bowl. Wow, you just stepped right into my own kitchen. David calls all the failed or leftover food projects in the fridge “science projects” because they may very well have gone bad before they get thrown away.

    I love your stories here because the things that might be challenges right now could end up being the things that make you successful later. <3

  13. Lisanne

    Nikki, I love that you posted this. I’m late to this discussion, but I’ve been thinking about this concept for a long time. What is it that makes us think we all have to be perfect?…with perfectly clean kitchens, living rooms, careers, or lives? Have you ever seen something in print or on a screen that truthfully depicts life as most of us know it? Even with simple in their title, they simply aren’t. Even with real in their title, they really aren’t. I believe these images are great for inspiration, but not for a goal-setting. Raising three daughters has me mindful of the images that influence them as they build their identity. I hope for a future in which they focus on the being instead of the doing. I imagine they will struggle as you do. I am still figuring out what I want to do when I grow up, but have enjoyed the variety of jobs because I’ve learned more about who I am through them. And I have certainly learned that life is messy; so I am learning to embrace that too. And about that KitchenAid, thank goodness it is being used instead of sitting in a cabinet perfectly clean and shiny!

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